Dil Bada Ho Gaya…

Friday, September 23, 2016

Algorithmically, I am supposed to be a citizen of Uncle Sam land…

Don’t believe me…? Look at what http://en.nametests.com/ threw up for me… my MFN (Most Favoured Nation) – er – to be precise the Nationality and the Passport that suit me the most…

No surprises or shocks there… I would only blame the stork that had me in the sack on its beak and was flying over Earth on to Jupiter… when I suddenly got dropped… not in Indianapolis on Jupiter, as was galactically ordained… but in India…

Don’t believe me a second time…? Look at what ‘NAMETESTS.COM’ threw up for me… I will be the first person to travel to Jupiter…

And here I am… trying to fathom why Modi finally sealed the deal for the 36 Rafale Jets last night… of course, one of them will fly me to Jupiter…

——————–

Trust me… Positive Psychology works wonders on Social Media… and ‘NAMETESTS.COM’ tops the charts in making you feel positive in all bodily postures known to humankind… including Baba Ramdev’s evolved Calisthenics… and Sage Vatsyayana’s 64 prescribed sexual acts, aspirational for all men and women, in the limbic region of their brains…

After all… Positive Psychology is about brain sciences… for those who have sex on their minds…

And the limbic region is a complex system of nerves and networks in the brain near the edge of the cortex… that controls emotions like pleasure (amongst others)… and drives sex (amongst other desires)…

After an initial exploratory phase in 2008, when I tried figuring out, whether I would be a good fit with the idiosyncrasies of a digital space… and now 8 years later, when I had this strong urge to try out what I had been missing all this while – fulfilling my Level 3 (Social Needs) of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs…

I am now in a good place… I have gathered enough digital dope – particularly after clicking ‘LIKE’ a 100 times and more everyday on my ‘Friends’ posts, that Abraham Maslow was right in his theorising almost 60 years ago…

…that Social Media works on the ‘Itch Theory’… you scratch my back and I will scratch yours… I can now convincingly admit that I need external validation and endorsement of my well-being…

I am not saying that… NAMETESTS is…

——————–

Of late, I have been trying to examine my well-being a rather little closely than I have in the past… in fact, a lot of reasons contribute to this…

Primary among them – my body is not getting any younger… for example – I was a human being until about a couple of months ago when I decided to go for my Health Check… when I came out of the clinic clutching my medical reports, I discovered that I am a PATIENT… everything was above or below the normal…

And much in my reports was contrary to what NAMETESTS would affirm…

My reports told me that my energy levels are abnormally low during a work-week… NAMETESTS tells me Monday is my favourite day… see my blog mast above… can you beat that…?

My reports tell me I have Hypertension… I need to discuss this with my children… well… no… they are not the cause for my worldly worries and anxiety (the meaning of which I tried explaining to my 13-year-old daughter last night)…

“Papa, what is anxiety…?” Kavya asks…

“When you are worried about something over a period of time and things don’t get done”… I gave her examples of what happens to Smee (my wife… and her mother) when she expects Kavya to do a few things and they don’t get done…

“OK – I can understand Mummy… but, do you get anxiety as well”, she asks… when you are 13, your mother becomes a “matter-of-fact” existence… you completely understand your mother…

How can I tell Kavya that each time Smee gets anxious, I am driven up against the wall too… with dated, recorded statements that are laden both with wisdom and the vicious… that have been playing back for many years now…

“You are not bothered ONLY… wait till they grow up… they will become good for nothing… and then you will be working even after your retirement to keep feeding them… when was the last time you taught them something worthwhile… are you listening to me…? Stop writing that blog and listen to me…”

Anxiety… so much for Positive Psychology… who said you got to get married for well-being… and then have a couple of kids for social endorsement of your high powered libido…?

NAMETESTS comes to the rescue… I had heard a wise man say once “whenever you are in deep shit… go back to your origins”…

I searched for the origin of my name… I discovered much to my enlightenment – my Buddha Moment – that my first name – Ravi dates back over centuries of Jurassic and microbial evolution… it originates from the Mayan word “RAVIUHIL” and my last name – Kodukula stems from the Aztec word “KODURIX”… both put together my name means “Deep Soul”…

Now, according to NAMETESTS, my name reflects my character – brave, loyal and honest… my friends love and admire me… and I have a big heart…

I agree…

My bravery has helped me withstand all tectonic shifts that Smee has tried causing in my life in the last 20 years of us knowing each other… the love, admiration, loyalty that Smee has towards me is unparalleled…

Perhaps the only other thing that my medical reports and NAMETESTS have in common is my large heartedness… my big heart is getting bigger with all the cholesterol deposits…

My only meaningful take from the entire exercise… much to Smee’s chagrin, and to my piety… I have been advised alcohol in moderate terms… and to reconfirm the results after a year on both these tests… my Medical Tests and the NAMETESTS…

Happy Weekend…

Ravi Kodukula

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